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When the story surfaced that a prominent couple had been murdered and their son, Nick Reiner, was a possible suspect, it thrust substance use disorder back into the national conversation. However, parents grappling with a loved one’s substance use fear the discussion will center on an extremely uncommon act of homicide rather than the more widespread dangers of the disease.

A Familiar Pain

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been closely following the news. They were merely familiar with the Reiners professionally, yet they identify deeply: their own son also became addicted at 15 to painkillers and later illicit drugs, much like Nick Reiner, and spent years cycling through rehab and the legal system. After a long and painful struggle, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just devastating,” says Grover. “It rips your heart out, because that’s a family destroyed, just like so many other families we know whose loved ones succumbed to the disease of addiction.”

Understanding the Epidemic

More than a significant majority of Americans report their lives have been touched by addiction—whether through their own use, a family member’s dependency, homelessness due to addiction, or an drug-related emergency leading to medical care or loss, according to recent data.

Approximately one in six Americans, or 48.4 million people, were living with a substance use disorder in 2024.

“This can happen to anybody, no matter how wealthy you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how powerful you are,” emphasized Grover.

Fear of Stigma

The Reiner story struck a chord with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a condition that affects the whole family,” Greg said. “It has a tremendous impact on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the murders will make people “deeply suspicious of anybody who’s struggles with having an addiction, and think that they could become dangerous at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg added.

These “are really crucial discussions to have, since addiction is so widespread in the United States and the rates have continually increased,” stated an associate professor who studies addiction and the legal system. She pointed to the significant stigma surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “idea of someone being really dangerous and the potential for harming others.”

She also cautioned against jumping to conclusions about the alleged role of the son or his state at the time, noting it is unclear whether substance use or mental health issues were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their biased views of addiction and this condition, and create a narrative to try to explain what happened,” she said. “Because of his past, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his addiction.”

The Reality of Risk

While addiction can lead to erratic actions, and some substances may increase aggression, a brutal act like a double homicide is highly unusual.

“The huge majority of people with addiction or substance use disorder do not ever show anything even approaching to violent behavior. It’s a true anomaly,” the expert explained. “The statistical truth is a person is significantly more likely to harm themselves than anyone else.”

A Parent’s Fear

Both Greg and Grover have lived with fear—not of their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to die at some point,” Greg said. “If he returns to using, it’s eventually going to claim his life. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being estranged from him.” He described the painful decisions parents face, such as setting limits and sometimes making the “horribly painful” choice that an adult child cannot reside in the family home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you laid your head down, that you could get that call or that knock on the door telling you that he was never coming home,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, 365 days a year, for a parent.”

He recounted the terrifying calls: from the ER saying a son was not breathing; from prison, where a parent might justify behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he committed theft to support his habit; at least he wasn’t burglarizing the neighbors’ houses.’”

The Loneliness of the Struggle

Parents often battle isolation—wondering if the addiction stemmed from some mistake they made; feeling responsible for a child’s actions; and worrying about the stigma directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without experiencing it personally, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can shift instantly. You could be content one day and in despair the next... It’s not unusual for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about 75% of people with addiction are able to achieve recovery.

“Just as you can get over any other type of disease, you can get over this condition, too. You can heal and be productive,” said Grover. “If you try and you stumble, you get up and work at it some more.”

Today, his son is a married with children, holds a college degree, and works as a skilled tradesperson. Grover reflected on his struggle to “fix” his son, realizing it wasn’t possible.

“I can push him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t grasp my hand for help, it’s not going to work,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they cared for him and believed in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always extended, because you never know when they’ll take it and accept help.”